1. |
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You may wish to appear stylish and debonair
When you step out for a leisurely stroll
But you might happen to seem old-fashioned
If you're still shitting your robes
Using the bathroom for poos and pees
A sign of discernment, so current and chic
Whether they're taking a dump or a leak
The connoisseur takes it where no-one can see
If your comportment is cultured and modern
Then you'll be acknowledged as the talk of the town
But passé and quaint is the picture you'll paint
When you grunt one out in the lounge
Using the bathroom for poos and pees
Splendido in Rome, à la mode in Paris
Why the fuck do we even need
To sell this idea to you?
Just use the bathroom for pees and poos
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2. |
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I woke up at 5 am
For my job at the ministry
Brushed my teeth and combed my hair
Ate breakfast and walked out into the street
There was I time when I’d prefer to fly
But the day is new and I think I’m going to try
Taking the toilets
Taking the toilets
Taking the toilets to work today
I passed by the muggle shops
Saw a cat looking out a window
didn’t look both was and almost got crushed
By a London Transit double deck but
I Followed the signs to the public toilet
Don’t know why but I think I’m goin to enjoy it
I’m taking the toilet to work today
I stand before the basin
And I put my feet in it
Pulled the lever it flushes me down
And I am there in a minute
I get to To games department
I walk into the office
Check for any new messages
I take of my coat and drop it
I ask for a towel because I’m feeling wet
I guess I guess my friends that’s what your gonna get
When you take the toilets to work one day
That’s why I’m never taking the toilet
Taking the toilets
Taking the toilets to work again
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3. |
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4. |
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There comes a time in every wizard's life
A certain passage from Hogwarts, A History makes the rounds
And the students wonder, "How?"
And the students are thankful now
For new construction
Correct the original architect
New construction
Bathrooms accessible
No scourgify, no tergeo
We'll use the bathrooms when we go
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5. |
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my lungs have had it's last air
they have been sucked dry from your stare
and my insides are bleeding , it's a mess
soaked right through my hollow chest
and my stomach is burning
with my heart constantly yearing
to be freed from this tight hold
that has me captive and won't let go
please let me breathe
please let me free
from all this tyriany
i will not break
a lot is at stake
i feel that i am dead already
my head is pounding,
and someones is at the door
it's my mind come back to me
letting me know that I'm not crazy
please let me see my injuries
on the inside of me
the cuts run deep in my veins
and the blood is making dark red stains
enough is enough
im leaving now, im leaving now
just let me go in peace
i promise i will do nothing
so i am cut up and cut down
all this blood i think i can drown
I cannot see the moon or stars
the nighttime is gone and I am scarred
please let me breathe
please let me free
from all this tyriany
i will not break
a lot is at stake
i feel that i am dead already
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6. |
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Double detention again
Just cuz of the bathroom that I walked in
It's not my fault I tried to say
That you don't got toilets for a they
Now I'm up on the top floor wandering
Don't care bout the time I'm squandering
Just pondering this tapestry
That I've passed two times and now it's three
Barnabus just wanted those trolls to dance
Then the whole wizard world just looked askance
So I feel kinship when I see his grin
Defiant despite no chance to win
They called him barmy, told me to make up my mind
Just based on the places I park my behind
But let me remind - you wizards shouldn't talk
If we just rewind and turn back the clock
You fools used to shit wherever you please
Just squat and pop out a log with ease
And then you have the audacity
To regulate where I get to pee?
So I’m mulling this when suddenly
I hear a grinding sound behind of me
So I turn around and am shocked to see
the best bathroom in history
a safe space, where I can be pissin
a safe space, thats what ive been given
a safe space, so my worries will cease
a safe space, so I can poop in peace
There’s a full-stocked makeup cabinet
Potions when you just ain’t havin’ it
What the toilets’ like? All i gotta say
Is you can’t go back once you’ve gone bidet
But its so much more, the room of my dreams
So I pinch myself, but it really seems
That right when I ran out of spoons to give
I might have just found a new place to live?
So they call it the room of requirement
But it seems that yall don’t require shit
Why does privilege always equal hogging?
This room’s for more than just your snogging
but i got plans for its potential
Because my wants are needs essential
Put an end to hope and fear
and consider how to disappear
a safe space, where I can be livin’
a safe space, thats what ive been given
a safe space, just a chance to start fresh
a safe space, so I can wear a dress
grab my suitcase and pack up my cute clothes
pack up my stockings and pack up my pink robes
pack up my rompers and pack up my long skirts
pack up my short ones; plus underwear, thongs, shirts
i pack ‘em all up then I get to dippin’
first I pack up my fears so my nerve’s not slippin
Make sure im prepared for every weather
See ya on the seventh floor or see ya never
It's my safe space, where I can be livin’
My own safe space, thats what ive been given
a safe space, just a chance to start fresh
a safe space, so I can wear a dress
a safe space, where I can be pissin
a safe space, thats what ive been given
a safe space, so my worries will cease
a safe space, so I can just poop in peace
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7. |
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I had too much pumpkin juice at breakfast today
Now I gotta take a giant freaking leak OK
Ain't got no bathrooms here at the Hogwarts School
Even though Romans figured that shit out a thousand years ago, cool...
Pissing in the Hogwarts halls is fun
Just vanish it all away when you're done
Not bothering with pants under my robes
Cause when you gotta go, man you gotta go!
Don't piss in the halls - the smell is freakin' rank
Don't poop in the halls - that crap should go in a tank
Don't piss in the halls - I don't care if you can vanish that lump
Don't poop in the halls - I don't wanna see you take a dump
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8. |
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Last year I went to visit the Bielefeld School of Wizardry
Said goodbye to Hogwarts and took a boat to Germany
All the German teachers really took good care of me
They showed me the city that’s not there in reality
And on the streets I saw
Small piles in rainbow colors
And when I asked the locals
They said that this is Einhornscheiße
Einhornscheiße – yellow, red and blue
Einhornscheiße
Einhornscheiße
The Germans taught me potions
The Germans taught me German spells
They explained the rainbow piles and their sweet and pungent smells
The city and its unicorns are banished from reality
Since that magic accident at the Bielefeld School of Wizardry
Still the unicorns produce
Small piles of rainbow colors
And when you step on them
Your foot is stuck in Einhornscheiße
Einhornscheiße – yellow, red and blue
Einhornscheiße
Einhornscheiße
Einhornscheiße
Einhornscheiße – yellow, red and blue
Einhornscheiße
Einhornscheiße
Einhornscheiße
Einhornscheiße – green and orange, too
Einhornscheiße
Einhornscheiße
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9. |
Aguamenti - Tummy Probs
01:40
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a new dark force of different variety
coming for the bigots in our society
laughter helps to cope with this shit
let me tell you some things right quick
one, I give no fucks about death eater scum
two, a big fuck you to Voldemort too
three, I’m down for a fight, ask my crew
it’s true I got something to do
address all the wizard and witches
they don’t need to shit their britches
it’s genius, you don’t want to miss this
if you gotta grievance, just give this
try the sensation, sweeping the nation
we gripping edges of toilet seats,
Voldy full of shit, he’s constipated
concentrated, who know who?
nah thude’s its u no poo
makes you turn purple in the face,
no farts, shits, just tummy earthquakes
make you squirm, got monster belly aches
your body begins to feel betrayed
makes your butthole eventually burst
dehydrated, nothing to quench your thirst
pretty sure that you got cursed
by that Gryffindor, or just this verse
eating anything makes you feel worse
probably should go see the nurse
need relief, see pomfrey promptly
from grief, like a wizard zombie
it’s stirring in my gut, all swampy
feelin gross, sick, lookin sloppy
all backed up in my body
cmon don’t puke on whompy
gotta make it to the potty
get the fuck out of my way Parvati
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10. |
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11. |
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12. |
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13. |
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Right out the gate you know I'm blasting
Got no belt that needs unfastning
Must admit, it's quite entrancing
When I
How I poop so good? It's no malarkey
Mostly fiber and food that's starchy
And oh yeah - I'm the final Archie
YES I
Archies not my first name, it's the last
pureblood line known for big bombast
And one more thing hidden in the past
It's our
Every serious scholar gladly admits
And the historical record firmly insists
That the Archie lineage produced the best shits
We
See, ever since the olden days
No wizards were withholding praise
Which only caused emboldened ways
Of
And even though the times have changed
My noble lineage has arranged
Through generations it’s been exchanged!:
Our creed: Our way of life depends
On ignoring fashion and hygiene trends
And being allies to our enby friends
I
All over any transphobic asswipes
Who dictate where you unclog your tailpipe
I just blast em with my colostomy bagpipe
Like
Shout outs to Audrey Hepburn and Eartha Kitt
Dick Dale, Charles Schultz, and Farah Fawcett
But not Ronald Reagan - he can eat my shit
Yeah, Ronald Reagan can eat my shit
Get down on his knees and eat my whole shit
About the aids crisis he gave not shits
So ronald fucking reagan can eat my shit
I wore a dress at the Q dub C and
My junk never felt more free and
I did it just to feel the breeze
And
I proudly took a shit for every goal
Even krum was impressed by my bowel control
So remember these virtues I always extole:
Our creed: Our way of life depends
On ignoring fashion and hygiene trends
And being allies to our enby friends
I
All over any transphobic asswipes
Who dictate where you unclog your tailpipe
I just blast em with my colostomy bagpipe
Like
Our creed: Our way of life depends
On ignoring fashion and hygiene trends
And being allies to our enby friends
I
All over any transphobic asswipes
Who dictate where you unclog your tailpipe
I just blast em with my colostomy bagpipe
Like
Its okay to poop on a nazi
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14. |
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